The Human Tries to Redeem Himself

After a long rap sheet of shenanigans, the human finally tried to make amends. He dragged in a big box, muttering curses, and after several hours of fumbling with tools, he put together a cat tree. I’ll admit it — the thing was solid. Multiple levels, scratching posts, a perch high enough to survey my kingdom. Nice effort. Duly noted.

Meanwhile, Trouble on the Front Yard

Meanwhile, while the human thinks a cat tree erases his crimes, I see the bigger problem. Out in the front yard, birds and squirrels run wild. They stomp around like they own the place. They don’t pay rent, they don’t even ask permission, and yet they flaunt their tails and beaks on my turf.

Evidence of a Crime

These aren’t harmless critters. Instead, they’ve left a trail of destruction. They chewed through the wiring harness of the human’s 2016 GMC pickup, gnawed trim clean off a brand-new 2021 Ford, and cast gall after gall onto parked cars, like some twisted hailstorm. The result? Damage in the hundreds.

The Human’s Pitiful Response

And what’s the human’s solution? He parks up the street. Out of sight, out of mind, and therefore pitiful. He claims he’s protecting his vehicles, but I know the truth: he’s avoiding the fight. Meanwhile, if I so much as sneeze on the couch, I’m in solitary confinement.

Case File Conclusion

In the end, the cat tree is nice. But a real protector would’ve declared war on the front yard intruders. Until that day comes, I’ll take the high perch and watch, waiting for the next move. Someone has to keep order around here.

—Luna 🐾

The Globlazer Cat Tree is available on Amazon